


no one holds a candle to you

by xtrashhmagicx



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Emma is in trouble, Established Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, F/F, Holidays, Humor, no surprise there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:33:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtrashhmagicx/pseuds/xtrashhmagicx
Summary: It happens once a year, and this time, Regina is ready. There's too much to lose, and so much to gain.$9.95 three-wick holiday candles are no laughing matter.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 14
Kudos: 119





	1. Part 1

“Emma, we don’t have time for this!”

“Regina-“

“Do it, _now_!”

“I’m working on it-“

“If you don’t do it now, it’ll ruin everything.”

“That’s not-“

“Don’t you love me enough to do this for me?”

“Okay, now you’re just being-“

“Emma, please. I’m begging you, just do it, before time runs out. We might never get another chance.”

“Regina! It’s a goddamn _candle_. Can you calm the hell down?” Emma huffed, continuing to scroll through the bath and body works website. She was trying to casually browse the site during their holiday sale, looking for some new scents. Like a normal person. 

Regina scoffed, sitting down on the couch next to Emma. She rested her chin on the blonde’s shoulder. “It’s not _just_ a candle Miss Swan, it is the holiday edition, limited time, winter candy apple and the three-wicks are on sale right now. We can get as many as we want!” Regina shouted gleefully.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure the limit is like 15…”

“We can get 15 candles for the price of 30!”

“ _Yeah_ , and the candles will still be in my cart when I’m done shopping. I’m looking for gifts for my parents and the rest of the family. How do you think my mom will feel about a scent called blueberry snow? Kinda a little too on the mark, but what do you think?” Emma tried to re-direct the conversation.

Regina was not having it. “How do you know they’ll still be in the cart? What if all the other shoppers aren’t dawdling around and are already checking out? If you screw this up, I swear to the gods…”

"You know, you could just order them yourself, on _your_ phone."

Regina's responding glare told her that was simply not an option.

“Oh my god, _fine_. Jesus Christ. You win. I’m checking out now.”

Regina smiled smugly, reveling in her small victory. She gave Emma a quick peck on the cheek as she snuggled further into her side, keeping a close eye on what Emma was doing.

Just as Emma clicked on the cart icon, her stomach sank. The candles were, as Regina predicted, _sold out_. She could practically feel the brunette vibrating with rage next to her.

“Baby…” Emma attempted in a calm voice.

“Do. Not. Speak. Miss Swan.”

Emma barely had time to throw the computer across the room before it burst into flames.

“Great, now I have to ask Santa to bring me a new MacBook for Christmas,” Emma muttered.

Regina grabbed Emma’s hand and all but dragged her out of the house.

“Where are we going?” Emma asked, slightly worried for her own well-being. Regina shoved her coat into her arms before pulling on her own.

“We are going to Portland. They have a Bath and Body Works store. _You_ are going to wait in line for me and if you don’t come back to the car with at least _fifteen_ winter candy apple candles, you can walk home.”

“Are you serious right now? In a pandemic?!”

“ _You’re_ the pandemic,” Regina grumbled.

“Love you, too.”

And so, they set off to Portland, Regina looking determined, and Emma wearing her warmest hiking boots, just in case.

***

Across town, Snow was busy printing out her order confirmation for fifteen candles, all of the winter candy apple variety. She smiled, proud of herself for snagging the last ones in stock. “Regina is going to be so happy when she opens her presents this year!” she squealed. 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays!

Christmas with the Charmings was always a big ordeal. Regina didn’t really understand why Snow insisted on having a huge celebration. They had no such holiday in the Enchanted Forest, and Regina had only started celebrating Christmas once she adopted Henry. After that, the tradition seemed to take root in Storybrooke, but she had assumed that less people would celebrate after the curse broke. However, the celebrations had become grander than ever. While Regina preferred a quiet morning of opening gifts under the tree with just Emma and Henry, Snow preferred a family breakfast that included the entire extended family and some friends, accompanied by a gift exchange that took, at the least, three hours. And _of course_ , everything had to take place at the mansion, because “you cursed me to live in a tiny loft, it’s the least you could do” had been used against her for years. Emma still considered them lucky to be able to gather at all after this mess of a year. Regina put a barrier on Storybrooke for the time being as the world battled the pandemic and required testing for any residents coming and going, allowing their little realm to remain virus-free. If she was being honest with herself, Regina had actually been looking forward to a quarantined Christmas, but alas, she was just too good at her job.

Regina gazed out the window at the snowfall that graced her lawn, waiting for the guests to arrive. As the Charming clan pulled into the driveway with Ruby, Dorothy, and Granny in tow, right behind Zelena and Robyn, Regina leaned her forehead against the cool window, attempting to fight off the headache that had already begun. The urge to put a barrier around the house was strong, but Emma’s arms around her reassuring her that it would all be over soon were stronger.

“Besides,” Emma said, “once everyone leaves, I can give you the secret gift I’ve been hiding.”

Regina turned in her arms, arching an eyebrow. “Why so secretive, darling?”

Emma leaned in to whisper in her ear. “It’s not exactly something I want my entire family to see. Snow would be scandalized, and we would traumatize the kid.”

Regina’s lips parted as Emma winked and went to the door to greet their guests. _Just a few hours,_ Regina thought.

***

After breakfast, the kids flocked to the tree to find their gifts. When Neal and Robyn were finished opening and trying out their new toys (and sufficiently worn out enough for naptime), it was the adults’ turn. Regina gathered her gifts from Emma and Henry first, as always. She was on her second trip to grab the gifts from Zelena when she noticed a large box addressed to her. With a furrowed brow, Regina bent down to lift the package, but discovered she wouldn't be moving the box anywhere without pulling a muscle. She huffed, opting to scoot the damn thing to the couch. _To hell with my dignity, then._ She tried to shuffle backwards and pull the box with her, but it was still moving slowly. Noticing her struggle, Emma immediately grabbed the other side and they managed to carry it together.

Emma groaned when they finally reached their destination.

“Jesus, Mom! What the heck did you get her? A friggin’ boulder?” she asked.

Regina glared at Snow. “If you put coal in this, I swear to the gods…”

Snow rolled her eyes. “Just open it, Regina. You’re going to love it!” she squealed.

Regina carefully peeled back the wrapping paper and opened the massive cardboard box. Her jaw dropped when a familiar scent hit her nose. She excitedly flung the tissue paper away from the surface, coming face to face with not one, not two, not three…but _eighteen_ winter candy apple candles from bath and body works. The very ones that were sold out earlier in the month.

Before Regina could even respond, Emma let out a strangled noise.

“ _How_ did you get all those?” Emma demanded.

Snow’s brow furrowed. “I bought them online during candle day. I was lucky, too. I had just snagged the last ones. I knew they were Regina’s favorite, and I thought I should get her as many as I could to show her how grateful I am that she hosts every year.”

Regina gave in and hugged Snow White for her thoughtfulness, since it was Christmas after all (and the woman spent almost $200 on candles for her). They had come such a long way.

Emma, however, did not share her gratitude.

“ _You_ were the reason I had to wait outside in single-digit temperatures at the entrance to the _only_ bath and body works in Portland for AN HOUR?!”

“Why did you have to wait for an hour?” Henry asked. He had been at a friend’s house during the great candle debacle.

“Uh, because we’re in a _pandemic_ and they were only letting like, twenty people in the store at a time.”

“Stop being dramatic,” Regina quipped. “You had a coat on. And your mask kept your face warm.”

“Oh, I’m not finished," Emma continued. "Once I was finally allowed into the store, I discovered that they only have _five_ winter candy apple candles left. So, being the amazing wife that I am, decided to grab some other apple scents to make up for it. I picked ‘harvest apple’, ‘tis the season’, and whatever the hell ‘apple garland’ is. I checked out, paid the ridiculous amount of money, and got back into the car, pretty damn proud of myself. You want to tell them the rest, Gina?”

“No, I don’t think I would,” Regina deadpanned.

“Fine, I sure as shit will. So as I was saying, I get in the car and proudly show Regina everything I got. But _Madam Mayor over here_ didn’t want any of the other scents, so guess what I had to do next? STAND IN LINE AGAIN to return them. Then, right after I get the refund, she texts me and demands that I look for a candle called ‘spiced apple toddy’. So I do, because I love her very much and I also didn't want to walk home. I find approximately two of them. And you know what? It smelled the _exact same_ as apple fucking harvest!”

“Language!” Zelena reprimanded, covering Robyn’s ears.

“Can it, Zelena. Your daughter told me a few days ago that you're the one who taught her how to say ‘fuck the police’ when she comes over here. Anyways, long story short, I got the candles _and_ hypothermia.”

“I warmed you up after,” Regina murmured with a sly smirk.

“Not today, please, gods…” David grumbled, not needing to hear this information. 

“Well, I for one still fail to see how this is Snow’s fault," Regina stated. "If you hadn’t been loitering in the body lotion section for hours, then you would have been able to place the order online."

“Forgive me, _your highness_ , for shopping like a normal person!” Emma shot back, slumping down on the floor in front of Regina. With a chuckle, Regina gave Emma a kiss on top of her hair.

“I appreciate both of you and the lengths you went through to make me happy,” Regina said. “Now, it’s time for you to open your gifts.”

Emma excitedly ripped into hers, loving the new black leather jacket with a sherpa-lined collar that Regina had gotten her. With a warning to be careful with the next gift, Emma slowly opened the package. Inside laid a new MacBook air.

David whistled. “Nice! But I thought you already had one?”

“Yeah…it was kinda hit by a fireball after the candle war of 2020.”

Regina gave her a light smack on the head.

“ _But_ I greatly appreciate the super-sweet gift from my lovely wife,” Emma grinned up at the brunette.

Regina bent down to kiss her, not being able to resist that smile.

Zelena made a gagging noise.

David prayed it didn't turn into a make-out session.

Snow cried tears of joy.

***

Later that night, after Regina and Emma had thoroughly tried out the secret gift mentioned earlier, in several different positions, they decided to cuddle in bed and watch Elf on the new flat-screen TV Regina had gotten for their bedroom as another Christmas gift to her wife. As Regina snuggled under the covers, Emma brought the cocoa in.

“Emma?” Regina asked.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Be a dear and light the candles, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay but can we talk about how they sold out online so fast for one weekend, but now they are suddenly fully stocked?! the audacity


End file.
